Sex questions from an 11 year old

Driving always seems to bring out questions in Vern. The other day was no different.

V - "Mom?"
M - "Yes honey."

V - "Can you have more than one orgasm in a day?"

Luckily I was not driving or I may have driven into something.

M - "Yes, why do you ask?"

V - "Well you get so tired after I was just wondering."

Shocked look given to Superman who is loving that this is happening to me.

M - "What is making you think about all this now Vern?"

V - stammering trying to come up with an answer without telling mom the real reason - "Um, you know we went to health night during school and I was just wondering."

Pause in conversation.
V - "Do women have an orgasm?"

M - "Yes." Giving Superman a painful look who is looking over at me while driving and trying not to laugh.

V - "Well how does the stuff go into the man?"

M - "Ejaculation and orgasm are different between a man and woman. So do you have your stuff packed for camp Vern?"

I couldn't handle any more of those kind of questions!!! He is 11 for goodness sakes. I don't know where he was getting ideas to ask this stuff but I am glad he asked for the facts from me instead of some other kid.

Doctor Visit

Vern had a doctor's appointment today. It went really well and we have a plan of attack for his problem. He even received a high tech widgit to begin using. He was pretty excited about it and has made his commitment to work on this issue and do as the doctor says.  We go back in a month or so for an update on how the widget is working and type and amounts of medicine he may need.

While waiting in the room, Vern stares at the phone and it begins... Oh yes you know if you have read my blog for any amout of time what is about to happen...

Have you guessed yet?

Come on you know..... THE QUESTIONS.

Mom, why are there letters on the phone?

Is it for texting?

Why is the number 2 key white?

Can I push the buttons?

How can one little boy come up with so much in his brain????

He even started asking the doctor all sorts of questions which were actually appropriate and I was impressed.  One was: What does xyz medicine do?  How often do I have to take it?

I believe there is hope for him yet!

Shots of Questions

So tonight was the night I had designated for all the kids to get their H1N1 shots. I had planned to go to one of the high schools in the area that was having a clinic but found out since it was in a different county I, or should I say the kids, did not qualify. Instead I had to call our county and find out how to get them shots.  Ends up I have to go to a clinic at our local hospital. The kids were COMPLETLY against it. Why mom? (Said over and over in their most whineyyyyyyy voices) So for punishment I decided to give them the flu mist at the same time. (Insert evil mom laughing) Trust me it was no punishment....

That isn't even the worst part. We had waiting and a novel's worth of paperwork to fill out. Then to cope with the other things(aka people if thats what you call them) that kept coming out of the cracks to invade the clinic. One lady marched right up behind me DEMANDING to have blood work done IMMEDIATELY! What kind of place was this anyhow? The nurse kindly asked her who ordered the bloodwork and she said NO ONE but she wanted it done and was not discussing it in the lobby. It just went down from there with others incredulous because they had to wait an hour in a clinic. I think I will stop now. Need to flush those thoughts.

After an hour or so the kids get their shots and mists and did really well and said oh that wasn't so bad and we walk out of the clinic. THAT is when Vern starts...

Mom, did they shoot the Swine Flu in me?

Will I die now?

Why did they put that in me?

Will my arm fall off?

Why did I have to get the shot?

Mom, can I ask a question?

Mom are we going home?

Mom can I pick out a different book?

How long did I read?

Mom will a worm eat you?

Will a worm eat me?

Will a worm eat this cake?

Mom will a worm eat through the wall?

ENOUGH OF THE QUESTIONS ALL READY!!!!! (said the exasparated mother - me)

Mom, can I ask just one more?

NO!

Well Mom I guess you don't love me.

Of course I love you, I am just tired of the interrogation tonight.

HA HA HA Mom, that is the one more question I was going to ask you.

He gets up and runs to his room to be tucked in for the night.